Even in the darkest of nights you are never alone.
The song You Are for Me by Kari Jobe played a lot on my itouch while in the hospital. The lyrics read like this:
"So faithful, so constant. You fill me. You see me. You know my every move. You love for me to sing to you. I know that you are for me, I know that you are for me, I know that you are for me, I know that you will never forsake me in my weaknesses. I know you have come down, even if to write upon my heart, to remind me who you are.
You hold my every moment, you calm my raging sea. You walk with me through fire and heal all my disease.
I believe you are my healer. I believe you are all I need. I believe you are my portion. I believe you are my fortress. I believe you are more than enough for me. Jesus, you are all I need.
I trust in you.
I trust in you.
Nothing is impossible through you. You hold my world in your hand. "
What powerful words. You hold my every moment. You calm my raging sea. I have had a few raging seas in my life. It amazes people when I tell them my “story”. I have spent almost half my life in and out of hospitals for one reason or another; Main reason being to save this worn out, scarred, broken leg of mine.
No matter how much pain, sacrifice and renewal that my limb endures I still have this inner desire to save it. I am attached. We go 27 years back. It’s hard to let go and say ok enough is enough. I long to see the wounds healed and the scars disappear; Physically and emotionally. 15 surgeries and 3 knee replacements later and I am still looking to the future to make this limb work as long as possible.
Why?
I would go through fire to try to heal all my disease. I have had to learn to walk more times than I can count.What keeps me coming back?
I can’t answer that. I want so desperately to just walk.
Walk without a limp.
Walk without pain shooting down my leg at any given moment.
Walk without the fear of my knee giving way and come tumbling down.
These aren’t big requests. It seems unfair at times to have to bare this burden.
But then who decides what is fair? What is just?
This worn out, tired, scarred, broken limb of mine tells a story; My Story. Whatever is just or whatever is fair doesn’t matter because I live and am alive to tell MY story. Every breathe I take should be a reminder that whatever burden I have to bare is nothing compared to the burden Christ bore for us and our sins. I trust in you.
I know that you are for me, I know that you will never forsake me in my weaknesses. I know you have come down, even if to write upon my heart, to remind me who you are.
You hold my every moment you calm my raging sea. You walk with me through fire and heal all my disease.
I feel I am meant to tell MY story, to tell HIS story, and to tell that if it wasn’t for HIS story, I wouldn’t have a story to tell. You are my healer; whatever form that takes, I see now being healed doesn’t always mean taking away the broken, scarred and worn out in your life. It sometimes means giving you the strength to know you are for me, and you will get me through it.
